Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Sewing myself

I hated needlework in school. Especially because Sister Borgia (a highly appropriate name) was our needlework teacher. She was about 4 feet tall and made up with her sour attitude what she lacked in height. She also fervently believed like all the nuns that girls--young women--should know how to sew. What do these eternal virgins, these brides of Christ know about preparing young women for life in the world? Still, you had to get a passing grade in needlework.
So I learned to hem and do the running stitch and cross stitch...badly. I could never do it right. I was too impatient, too uninterested. I passed. Barely. And when school was over, I threw away the needles and the threads and never sewed again.

But sometimes these days I wish I could thread a needle with a flesh colored twine and sew myself back together. Sew together those who I have not seen or communicated with for a while, close to my side. They are not me, but somehow their presence makes me complete.

Within me I want to sew on my illusions, my convictions, my joys. Tightly so they never go away from me. I want to stitch on to myself my sanity, my equilibrium, a feeling of belonging, my sense of home. A home that stays with me even though I no longer live there.

I want to sew myself together, take all my separate pieces...all the parts of me, and bring them together into a patchwork quilt of myself. I want to gather everything and everyone important to me and attach them to me with thread.

I am not gluing myself together. That makes everything stiff, inflexible, and tacky. Threads, however, can be cut if needed, they can fray...and they can even be reinforced.

I dream some nights of sewing myself together and making everything all right.


The Mad Momma said...

sister borgia? where did you study?!! she taught me needlework too!!!

Jawahara Saidullah said...

St. Mary's Allahabad. You?
I wouldn't say she *taught* me needlework since I spent most of her classes standing and facing the blackboard.:-)

Jac said...

You made me smile here, may be I will indeed learn your cross stich.

I am going and reading backwords, whenever my time permits.

I dont write well, but I read well

Tinkerbells said...

what an amazin concept ...and so beautifully crafted...i could imagine all people close to me, my thoughts and my dreams gettin sewed to my soul as i read your post....

Jawahara Saidullah said...

Thanks tinkerbell.